From My Desk To Yours...


The Gift of All Saints’ Day

On November 1st, with Halloween behind us and the holiday season looming on the horizon, I think All Saints’ Day is the perfect day to pause and reflect. It’s like a reset button for your soul – if you choose to use it. Recently, I’ve felt a growing urgency to push that button. To reset. To step back. To breathe… To simply hit the ginormous pause button in the sky. (Is there one?) When we’re on overload – physically, mentally, and emotionally – it also affects us spiritually, whether we’re aware of it or not. And, to me, a day that’s named for all the saints that have come before us is the perfect time to raise our awareness and…
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Where do you belong?

The other day I was thinking about belonging. I had worked with a client who said to me, “I don’t know where I fit in…” To which I replied: “The question is not where do you fit in… The question is where do you belong.” It’s so important to feel a sense of belonging. Ideally, we feel like we belong to our families as we are growing up – but I know that’s not true for a lot of people. Then there’s the fellowship of community: neighborhoods, religious institutions, school groups, sports, activities. All of these create opportunities for us to belong to something. To be a part of something. But even then it can be difficult to feel a sense…
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Resiliency and Stability

If you want to know how resilient you truly are… live through a major home renovation. Ok, I’m kidding… sort of. I know I’m resilient. I’ve been through a lot worse emotionally, but living at home with no kitchen and no bedroom – my mattress in the floor in another room, and my clothes scattered between a couple drawers, hangers, and bags – has been surprisingly difficult. Before it all began, I thought “What’s the big deal?” We moved a microwave and refrigerator into the living room and bought a hot plate. I thought it would be easy. Or at least easier. First world problems, I know. Turns out, it’s not easy for me to live without the stability of…
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Choice is a Superpower

Embracing choice is a superpower. When you realize this, everything changes… for the better. I’ve been working on my next book, which is all about how to actually create positive change in your life in a tangible, actionable way. But the first step to actually creating change is wanting to… making a choice. In fact, choice is the most important step we take throughout our lives on a daily basis. It’s also something we all do rather reflexively and distractedly – if not, unconsciously. However, when we make choice conscious and realize that we are engaging in decision-making nearly every minute of every day, we are flexing our real muscles. We develop our superpowers, and the quality of our life…
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Priorities, Values, and Authenticity

What are your priorities, really? It’s an honest question, to which we often provide less-than-honest answers. If we were 100% truthful about our actual priorities (the things we actively pursue and attend to), we might not actually like ourselves so much, and fear others might not like us at all. The rub is, of course, the “others” already know your priorities based on your actions, so the only person you’re lying to is yourself. There are many quotes in the world about being a priority, making something a priority, etc. Here are just a few I dug up: “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” – Mark Twain Or Maya Angelou’s less passive…
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Ownership, Obligation, and Love

The question was never “What can be done?” The question was always “What can you do?” Or rather, “What can I do?” When I start a session with a new client, I always start with: “How can I help you?” Because it’s a simple truth that we can only do what we can do. If a client said to me, “I need you to tell my partner that they’re wrong so that they understand how much I’m hurting,” my response would be, “I’m sorry, I can’t help you with that… I can, however, help you with your hurting.” ‘What can I do?’ is answered by what I can do. Everybody has unique gifts, and everybody can use their talents to do something and…
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Complaining Doesn’t Create Change

You can either change or stay the same, but you can’t do both. And if you want to create change in your life – if you want something to change – you have to become a participant in making it happen.  Harsh words? Perhaps. But that doesn’t make them less true. And trust me, it’s not as if I think change is easy. It’s not. Change can feel hard, and very few people are actually good at it across the board. We all have at least one thing that seems harder to change than others. (I’m no exception.) In reality though, change isn’t actually hard, even though it often feels that way. What makes it hard is when we add emotional weight…
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Legal, Ethical, Moral – They’re Not The Same

My father was a lawyer, and a damn good one, at that. He spent the majority of his career practicing corporate law, which meant he had an opportunity to educate people around him who otherwise wouldn’t have had a lot of access to all things law. When I was a lot younger, maybe in my early teens, I remember once saying to my dad, “…but it’s totally legal,” about some topic or other. He took the opportunity to teach me what that really means when I’m saying it. “Legal” is not something to aspire to. It’s not a high bar. In fact, as he said, “It’s the lowest acceptable form of human behavior.” It’s one step away from illegal, which…
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How to BE a Writer

Being creative is a gift we all have. Finding out what that means is part of the journey. Writer, artist, chef, painter, designer, teacher, engineer… there is a bit of creativity in everything we do. Even doctors have to be creative sometimes, in order to get to positive outcomes. Typically, though, we think of “being creative” in association with artists. Artists run the gamut from visual arts to music to writing, with a whole lot in between. Recently, I was speaking with a client who loves to write, but was getting hung up on her writing. It’s not her day job, but it’s part of her work, and she had a specific story to tell that simply wasn’t going anywhere….
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It’s All About You (even when it isn’t)

If you think something you read online is about you, it probably is – even if it isn’t. Let me explain. Over the weekend, I posted some words about truth and wisdom. Then this morning, I shared how incongruent it is to preach light (or truth) and spread anything fear-based. And then I got some push back. A few people were courageous enough (I truly respect their courage for actually asking) to reach out and ask me if what I had written was about them. The short answer was “no.” But the long answer is… “probably.” Because if you read something online that someone else wrote, and you get a twinge in your gut or mind that it might be…
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