Monthly Archives: October 2017

Mutual Admiration Society

I’m a member of MAS: the Mutual Admiration Society, and I wish everyone could feel this way. (Wouldn’t that be a game-changer for our planet?!)

I wrote to a friend and colleague last night and shared a few simple truths as I see it, or my two cents. Nothing earth-shattering, in my opinion, no eloquent words or faux-flatterings… just truth from my observations. She woke up to that email. Then I woke up to this:


And now we have both felt WOW upon starting our days. See? Mutual Admiration Society. And all because we shared the simplest of truths: our experience of each other’s loving presence… which is our true nature, of course.

It doesn’t take special glasses to see it in others. It’s not a “gift” – it’s natural. Everyone can do it. The reason we don’t, I think, is because we’re too busy looking for everything else in what we’re seeing, and preparing ourselves to respond to what we think might be there that we don’t like. We’re always on guard. Or, we’re so focused on maintaining our own facades, that we haven’t reconnected with our own loving nature, so we no longer recognize it in others. Neither one of these scenarios make for a very loving society. Alas.

But I know that can change. How? Because I did it myself, and I’m a stubborn reluctant learner. Or I was. I used to look externally for everything, and I was miserable inside as a result. It took me a while and a lot of hard work to come out the other end of the tunnel, but I did. And frankly, if I can – then I know that anyone else can, too.

So, Mutual Admiration Society — who’s with me?? 😁

Let Your Blessings Be Your Healing

I have conversations in my head. All.The.Time. Seriously. And I know I’m not the only one. I suppose the conversations are both a form of writing, and of re-hashing or sorting out various events from life. These are not the sort of conversations that I do when I’m doing intuitive/psychic work, though. Those are definitely one-sided, in that I am not speaking for both parties.

The conversations in my head are different – in those I’m speaking for both parties, and I’m usually trying to resolve something that remains unsettled for me and is taking up too much mental real estate in my brain.

Recently, I had one of these fictional conversations, because I found myself rehashing one example over and over again.

Complaining.

It was a conversation with a friend that brought it to the forefront, in which she told me about how her office was like a revolving door of people complaining. Ugh. Yuk. I couldn’t imagine spending my days that way. How draining. I reflected for a moment and shared with her something a former boss once did that turned out to be an incredible gift of empowerment. He said, “Don’t come into my office with a complaint, unless you also have a suggestion for a reasonable solution.”

In other words, he shifted the focus.

After chatting with my friend, I thought about the numerous examples I had recently heard of people complaining. Friends, clients, colleagues, passersby – everyone seemed to have someone in their life who consistently complained, or was doing the complaining themselves.

Now, I’m no stranger to complaining. I’ve definitely done my fair share, but somewhere along the way I learned that it serves little purpose in my life other than to lower my energy and keep me stuck. I still do it now and then (I’m human), but it’s not even close to a regular part of my life.

But how did I do it? Well, I took a page out of my former boss’ book and focused on the solution, not the problem. Slowly, but surely, I became adverse to complaining. It felt icky.

Enter the recent fictional conversation in my noggin in which I imagined I was talking to someone I know who complains often about her life. In my imagination, I saw myself responding with:

“Please stop. Just stop. You have a beautiful family, a successful career, a wonderful home, food on your table, laughter in your life. You have your health, and you have friends and family who love you…”

To which, my fictional version of her interrupted with, “But…. but there was this (fill in the blank/awful event) in my life…”

And I replied, “Then let your blessings be your healing.”

Ahhhhh….. *light bulb*

This is why I have fictional conversations in my head. This is why I am writing ALL.THE.TIME, even if I’m not sitting at a screen typing. As I move through the scenario… the answer comes. The answer always comes.

My boss wasn’t so far off the mark so many years ago, his was just a more practical application of a simple truth. (Mainly because he didn’t want to spend his days dealing with incessant complaints by employees.)

Let your blessings be your healing. 

Trauma and pain come in many shapes and sizes. I’ve known a fair amount of it in my life, myself. I’ve seen others experience horrific things. But thankfully, blessings come in all shapes and sizes too, which means that we often forget to identify them as such.

By refocusing our attention, we change our habits. Then we allow for the possibility of healing… of peace, health, and happiness to be our predominant way of being.

A gentle, but beautiful, reminder from one of my many blessings: re-blooming orchids in my kitchen. 🙂

Joy, Peace, and Love

Nearly every client I have worked with recently has had the same theme come up:

Joy, Peace, and Love.

As we navigated the various issues they were facing, all of them different, we always arrived at the same end. Each of them are returning to a sense of joy, peace, and love in their lives, and various problems opportunities have been surfacing to help them get there more directly.

So, I sat down to think about what it truly means to live a life of joy, peace, and love… because, as I’ve learned over the years of doing this work:

When the same theme keeps coming up for my clients, I know it’s a message for me too. 

It’s like the Universe is not so subtly tapping me on the shoulder and clearing its throat “Ahem….”

Delving into what each of the words mean, I realized that it’s when they’re combined that they encapsulate what it feels like to be both human and divine at the same time. They represent a trinity of sorts, one that serves as the circle containing the duality of our existence. That, of course, is a fancy way of saying that these three things are at the core of our essence, and I’d argue that they are held together with hope.

I think our natural state is one of joy, love and peace. You only need to look at a child playing to realize the truth of this statement. It’s our birthright, though we tend to forget it along the way. There are so many external factors pulling on us and inviting us to forget who we truly are, that by the time we hit 8, 9, or 10 years old (maybe even earlier nowadays), we’ve lost touch with the effortlessness of being.

Then, somewhere later in life (often prompted by a crisis of some sort, or simply sheer exhaustion from trying to keep up with all the external input), we start to long for the days of our youth. It’s easy to say we miss the freedom of play, but I think play is the byproduct of feeling complete in who we are. In other words, when we know ourselves as belonging to joy, peace and love, we can’t help but find it in everything around us…. and life becomes a giant playground. 🙂

My ‘natural state’ is Joy, Peace, and Love. 🙂

#metoo … but “boys will be boys,” right?! Wrong.

I’m frustrated… as you can see by something I just shared on FB. Why would anyone think it’s ok to throw things at animals, let alone goad them into coming closer?!? I know if you ask *most* humans, they would find this behavior wrong and even alarming.

It’s this type of behavior, where many might say “boys will be boys” in response. But what if it’s EXACTLY this behavior that later leads to assault. I don’t see a difference in assaulting a defenseless animal at 8, and assaulting a woman years later. Maybe, in fact, they’re inextricably linked.

Maybe if we didn’t allow this behavior in our “boys” we wouldn’t have an epidemic of it in our men. Maybe if we held our kids accountable for their actions and instilled in them a sense of compassion, respect, and kindness, we could turn this thing around in a single generation. Maybe. I did my part today. I held them accountable. I hope it redirects their ship. It takes a village… together, we can change this.

#metoo #boyswillbeboys #nolonger #accountability #responsibility #respect #compassion #kindness #change #inspired #writerslife

Life Is Best Lived In The Little Things

Per my post yesterday, I thought this warranted repeating: Life is best lived in the little things that make us happy.

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All too often I see clients or friends getting caught up in the “big” ideas, or the big list of desires. Heck, I even do it myself still. It’s important to have those big ideas and desires, because they become the “X” on your roadmap of life. They give you some sense of direction from which you can draw your route. Without them, we’d all be wandering aimlessly. But…

But at the same time, we have to remember that the ideas and desires are ideals, and not where we are meant to live on a daily basis. Why? Because when we do, we get bogged down in the land of “should” (a rather icky sticky marshland), or marooned on the isle of “not enough” (an isolated and lonely island in the middle of a rapid river). Neither of which help us move forward on our path toward our X.

The remedy for this is, it seems, being present on the journey: To ‘be here now’ as I and others have written many times. It’s not always easy, but it makes life easier. That’s for certain. And how do we ‘be here now’ when everything around us is asking us to live in ‘ideal world’ rather than on our own map?

We live our days – our lives – in the little things that bring us joy. 

Do you enjoy coffee? Or tea? Then, enjoy it. Or IN-JOY it. Sip with a smile. Do you enjoy yoga or cross-fit, or walking in the woods? Then IN-JOY it. Be in it while you’re in it, and take it all in. The breath, the sweat, the smell of fallen leaves crunching under your feet. Anything that you’re doing, you have the capacity to find joy in the moment, even if you dislike something.

When I worked in the corporate world, there were definitely moments in which I didn’t like my job. Some days would trudge on and on, but without realizing it, I would find little things that made the days better. Sometimes it was realizing that the slow pace of a day in a desk job allowed me an opportunity to read something new. Whatever it is, we can usually find something that brings us joy, we just have to look for it… or create it. 

That’s what it means to live in the little moments. And the beautiful thing about this is that when one moment is done, there’s sure to be another soon after when you live this way. You become the cruise director and captain of your own ship, and nothing feels better than that. All the advertising in the world that tells you what you “should” be doing simply won’t influence you anymore. You’ll get to choose what to listen to and explore (or even buy), in your own time, and based on your own mind. How cool is that?

In the end, we are all on a journey toward our giant X on a map. The two questions that matter are:

  1. What is your X? (the one you defined, not somebody else) and
  2. What are you doing with your time as you journey toward it?

Happy wandering! xo

Call It What It Is: Murder

Yet another tragedy has hit the United States. The problem with that sentence is not the word “tragedy” – it’s the word “another.”

Another tragedy.

Last night, in Las Vegas, blood was shed as innocent people’s lives were ended and changed forever. But it wasn’t a “shooting” or a “killing” or even a “violent attack” – those phrases are all too passive and have become far too acceptable in our society. It was murder. Mass murder. And the man who was responsible was not a “lone wolf” or a “shooter” or a “gunman” – he was a murderer.

Any human who takes another human’s life, knowingly and willingly (with few exceptions such as war), is a murderer. Death from an accident is not labeled murder, it’s called manslaughter.

Murder is murder.

It’s not “shootings” or “killings” or any other word we have come to use to somehow make it feel better. It’s murder.

Murder is the taking of another person’s life, for any reason – yes, even mental illness. (When a person with mental illness commits murder, we have different laws for that, but we still have laws. It’s not an excuse for the behavior, it’s a parameter by which their consequences are decided. The action was still murder.)

Yet, today I see people fighting over labels, because of the possibility of mental illness, instead of calling him what he is. People are arguing over the disparity in the media’s use of the words “terrorist” vs. “lone wolf” or “gunman” based on the man’s skin color. These are valid points, and ones that clearly need to be addressed by the one’s using the terminology, but they are also points that distract us from the issue at hand: How do we prevent mass murder? Whether by a terrorist, a person with mental illness, a gang member, or anybody else.

We’re distracted from the core issue, because it’s almost too much to deal with in our current emotional state. So, we fight. We fight about what’s most accessible: the words.

Why do we do this? Because our emotions are on overwhelm and we have too much energy coursing through our bodies, so we are fighting over anything we can wrap our heads around, anything tangible. Murder is not tangible, senseless murder even less so. We can’t wrap our heads around it, so instead we fight over the words used to describe the person who committed murder, as we try desperately to gain some foothold in an otherwise chaotic moment.

We are fried, and we don’t want to be. We don’t want to get to a point where this type of event is acceptable or even expected. So, we fight for our lives, our society, by focusing on the things that are closest to the surface, where we feel we can take a stand.

So, let’s make this easier: whether mentally ill or a terrorist, if you knowingly take another’s life (again, with few exceptions like war), the word to use is “murderer.” “Murderer” carries no association with religion, gender, or skin color, and takes the focus off the surface-level issues, which frees up our time and emotions to address what really matters: preventing murders and mass murders, by focusing on the causes.

I realize that our frustrated, angry, broken-hearted energy needs to go somewhere. So…

  • Let it go to fixing the problem, not blaming the result or the labels used to describe the event.
  • Let the energy running through you be channeled into something greater than anger and fear.
  • Let it go to change.

Change carries more power than anger and fear ever will, because it’s a focused energy, which means it will help you feel better as you work with it. And when it doesn’t, when it feels overwhelming, then I’ve found that walking in the woods helps. For some it’s running or yoga, for others it’s boxing or cross-fit or meditation. Whatever it is, the important thing is to create a focused use of the tidal wave of emotional energy we are all experiencing in the aftermath of another tragedy.

Then, there are steps we can take to regain a feeling of empowerment after tragedy and grief:

The first step out of overwhelm is always to speak truth to it: This was murder. Mass murder.  Name it, and take it out of the shadows where fear and anger reside.

The second step is to create change: What can we do to prevent it ever happening again? Brainstorm ideas with friends and colleagues. Start talking and discussing, not fighting.

The third step, possibly the most important step, is to live an empowered life embodying love and hope: What can I do myself, to create change, personally, locally, regionally, or globally? Empowered action starts from within, always.

Everyone’s answer to that last step is different. Mutual respect, communication, and understanding will make it all possible. Where there is overlap, we create community. But no single solution to create positive change is wrong, even if it’s not right for you.

This is where the fourth step comes in: Embrace each other with respect and curiosity. Listen, listen, listen.

Then take action.