Monthly Archives: April 2018

My NEW Book of Poetry is HERE!

Infinite In My Heart coverAs a writer, I am always transforming thoughts into words, whether it’s the inspirational wisdom I share regularly in InspireBytes™ or the self-help guidance and teachings that I put into full-length books. (What now..? will be out in November… stay tuned!)

While you may be familiar with my prose (it’s been almost a decade with InspireBytes, so I hope so!), I recently compiled an assortment of poetry that I have written over the years into my first book of poems, lovingly titled: Infinite In My Heart: Poems of Love, Loss, and Hope.

From the back cover:

Who among us hasn’t experienced Love? or Loss? or the great Hope that accompanies every new and wondrous relationship? 

In ‘Infinite In My Heart: Poems of Love, Loss, and Hope’ – her first book of poetry – Martina E. Faulkner has created an emotional journey of reflection. Over the course of several years, she poured her thoughts into poems that stir the soul at the most basic level. Martina’s words share what it means to be human: to love, to lose, and most of all, to return to hope… again and again.

I’m excited to share this work with you. It’s due to be released on May 6th, but you can pre-order the Kindle version now by clicking here, or simply wait until May 6th to order the paperback.

As always, thank you for your continued support and interest in my work – I appreciate it immensely. Enjoy!!

 

 

“Beauty” Isn’t Objective

“Beauty” is one of the most subjective ideas in the world, simultaneously the one most forced into objectivity.

Beauty is subjective

As women (because I can only speak from my female perspective), we live in a society where we are told, both directly and indirectly, what’s beautiful. We are encouraged to buy and use products to be more like the “traditional (aka: objectified) standard of beauty” in order to actually be deemed “acceptable.”

Over the years, out of curiosity I have asked my male friends (and exes) what they consider sexy, or beautiful, in a woman. Their answers were as varied as the people themselves, but here are just a few I found interesting:

  • A silk blouse with no bra on
  • A black lace see-through nightgown
  • Long hair
  • Confidence

I have done the same exercise with my female friends and here are some of their answers:

  • Smokey eye makeup and red lipstick
  • Authentic laughter
  • High heels
  • Confidence

While there was some overlap among answers (I love that ‘confidence’ came up both times!), there was also a lot of difference that didn’t necessarily stick to a “traditional” gender divide.

And that’s what’s most important here: Even among genders, beauty is defined and experienced differently. There is no one standard of beauty when you actually break it down and ask people. There are millions. And they’re all correct.

Because Beauty, at its core, is individual, globally undefinable, and highly subjective.

Let’s look at this another way. Let’s apply the same idea to flowers:

A lot of people don’t particularly like roses and prefer another flower, but that doesn’t mean they’re not beautiful. For those who love them, roses can be one of the most beautiful flowers in the world. For me, I happen to think a carnations and dandelions are stunning. A dandelion’s delicately tiny petals belie it’s extraordinary resilience. Yet there are entire products built around killing them off because they’re a “weed.” See? Subjective. (Besides, dandelion greens in a salad kick flavor up a notch! Weed, indeed. LOL)

It’s the exact same with human beauty. What’s beautiful to you might not be “beautiful” to the person standing next to you, which is why it’s so incredibly subjective. I’d venture to say that it’s the most subjective idea we engage with on a daily basis, that we are taught to experience as 100% objective.

Beauty, therefore, is truly in the eye of the beholder. And always – always – will be. Thankfully.

Rest and Relaxation

I bought a hammock!

It’s obvious that rest and relaxation are important to our wellbeing. But there is a big difference between “rest” and “relaxation” – something I’ve only just recently understood myself.

Relaxation is a state of resting,  but it’s not the same as rest. Relaxation is the ability to slow down and enjoy something leisurely, perhaps by read a book, or doing some coloring. It may even be sitting on a park bench listening to birds chirping overhead. Relaxation is a really important component to daily life, and it involves quieting the mind and body to give it room to breathe.

Rest is different.

As I’ve only recently discovered, rest is a state of pure nothingness. It’s a chance for the body, mind and spirit to completely let go and restore… RESTore.

In this day and age of electronics and technology, media and the glorification of being busy – we rarely rest. Even when we’re sleeping we rarely rest fully. It used to be that sleep was a guaranteed respite – or rest – from the day. Ideally, 1/3 of your day would be spent resting (sleeping), thereby allowing your body to actually restore. This lets your cells do their job of regenerating and replicating, as well as removing toxins from the body. Rest is integral to health.

But most of us don’t rest. I typically don’t rest, actually. I thought I was, but I realized I wasn’t when I recently experienced a moment of deep rest (or the nothingness I mentioned), and then I thought: “Oh! THIS is what rest is!” I knew it, because after 10 minutes of that deep state, I returned feeling refreshed and restored, more balanced, and more grounded in both my body and soul. It was then that I realized that I know how to relax well, but I have no clue how to rest.

Stumbling up on rest was a gift… and an invitation. I now feel invited to learn how to rest. To allow my body, mind, and soul to let go of everything and dive deep into the state of nothingness. For me, rest isn’t about meditation (that’s actually play time, as I love going deep and exploring the other side of the veil; it’s my natural state). For me rest is about being 100% present in the here and now (aka: in my body), and inviting my mind and soul to do nothing while my body rests. For me, rest requires a different approach than relaxation; it requires a void. And when I can achieve it – it’s oh-so-good!

So, as I move forward with my exploration of deep rest, I’m looking at how I can support myself to go into the void. Of course, some of these tools will overlap with relaxation, but I think just knowing the difference will assist me in creating the different experiences. To that end, I bought a hammock! 🙂

I’m not a very outdoorsy person, but I’ve always wanted a hammock. A simple hammock you can take with you anywhere and string up in a tree. Recently, I saw one I loved (from the partnership between Target and Hunter), and had hoped to get it. Alas, it sold out in less than an hour. But, as we know, the Universe conspired to help us when our path is aligned. So, it got me my hammock.

On a random excursion to Target today for some staple items, I passed by the section with the Hunter merchandise, and lo and behold! … there was one hammock! In the color I wanted! It must have been a return. And now, well, now it’s hanging between two trees in my backyard, and yes, I’ve already tested it out. (As has my dog!) And it’s perfect!

There will be many hours of relaxation in my blue-striped swing, and hopefully, just maybe, some wonderful moments of rest, too.

It doesn’t get easier…

I’ve been writing about my experience with an aging/ailing parent lately. I think I’ve hit a point at which I can no longer contain all of the emotions, thoughts, and words within me reasonably. So, I’m writing. Partially to help myself and create some room (because room allows for healing), and partially because I know I am not alone in this experience… and maybe my words can help someone else who feels alone, as I have.

A few days ago, my first article on all this was published on The Manifest Station (you can read it here), and it prompted an outpouring of love and support from friends and strangers alike. (Though, we’re all friends, aren’t we? If we’re reaching out and connecting?) I thought the one article was enough. It wasn’t.

Two days after it came out, I was back to see my father, and it felt just as raw and as difficult as it always does, though it’s a spectrum, of course. This time it was particularly raw. Perhaps because I “broke the seal” or perhaps because he was in a particularly melancholy mood himself… it doesn’t matter. It was the day that it was. And that’s how it is and how it will continue. So, I wrote again. I share it now here:

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8 April 2018

Note to self: It doesn’t get easier.

I’m just leaving after visiting my dad at his care home. It was our shortest visit yet, as he was more tired than usual. He fell asleep at the table just after finishing his lunch. He just was ‘done’ today, and managed a “this sucks” in his broken words, from his broken body. And I agreed. And all I could think was to say “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Because I am. I’m sorry for him, for myself, for us, and for anyone who has to live a half-life trapped in a chair, in their body, in their brain… aware of their confinement. It just sucks.

And it doesn’t get easier. Or better.

So, I offer love – no longer hope – in the form of his favorite sandwich and a cookie. Followed by a hug and holding his hand. For just a little while longer.

And then I leave, and for a few days try to forget. Until I go back and remember, all over again, just how much this sucks and that it doesn’t get easier.

It Doesn't Get Easier image