Category Archives: feelings

Happy Accidents

Accidents happen, and rarely do we call them “happy.” Then something comes along to change that and suddenly they become ‘Happy Accidents.’ But we never know they’re actually “happy” until after the fact. 

This is a simple truth about a lot of life. Hindsight is the tool that allows us to take perspective and choose new adjectives, right?

Earlier today I tried to trim my own (long, overgrown and frustrating) bangs. But I ended up taking off a lot more than I had planned (because I’m not a hairstylist – duh). I thought it would be simple, and it wasn’t. My “trim” resulted in weird blunt wonky pieces of hair draped in front of my eyes. 

Somewhat laughing, I called my hairdresser, but she was too busy. However, she referred me to someone else she works with who had some time available today, and… voila! My blunder became a ‘happy accident’ in the form of a totally new hairstyle that I love.
I love when something unplanned (and potentially frustrating) turns into something unexpectedly awesome, don’t you? It happens more than we realize or acknowledge though. Unfortunately, we are a bit too programmed to focus on the “bad” or frustrating bit, rather than enjoying the positive change. I see it daily… people seem to be more and more hard-wired to complain, than they are to celebrate or enjoy. It’s almost as if we’re not allowed to truly be happy with our lives. 

Hindsight gives us a choice, though. It allows us to look back and change the adjective, and thereby change the experience. People say we can’t change the past, but that’s not entirely true. Because we can change how we feel about the past, which, in essence, changes it in our memories. It’s a superpower too few people are exercising. 

Now, to be clear, this is not about denying an event or creating revisionist history. Facts are facts. But how we feel about the facts can be updated. It can be modified through a shift in perspective, turning something frustrating or difficult into something neutral, or even positive. 

It’s not always easy, mind you. Sometimes it takes a fair amount of work, but the guarantee is that it’s always worth it. Why? Because low vibration emotions take a lot more energy than high-vibration, or even neutral, memories. Shifting perspective and attributing new feelings to something that has already happened frees up the emotional, mental, and energetic space inside you that had been given over to maintaining the complaint. And that, is a very happy accident, indeed. 

Feeling Stressed?

Stress can be like wind on the surface of water: temporary, changing, and totally outside of our control.

We often feel stressed and anxious because of circumstances in our life that we cannot control or influence. (Usually, actually, we think we can, which contributes to the level of stress we experience.)

Therefore, it’s important to know which type of stress you’re dealing with. In my experience, there are two types:

  • surface stress
  • deep stress

This week, I’m looking at surface level stress, because it’s the one we can deal with most readily, since it’s predominantly external. For that metaphor, let’s liken stress to wind blowing across the surface of a lake, causing ripples. The water deep underneath might be calm and clear, but the surface looks like a hot mess.

It’s this stress that’s truly temporary. Additionally, 9 times out of 10, the key to alleviating this stress is to remember that the vast majority of the water (what’s underneath) is calm and unaffected by the wind.

The wind can be anything from a child’s or boss’ tantrum, to a bad hair day, or traffic, or not having enough milk for your coffee in the morning, or even…

…family, friends, colleagues and social media. Basically, it can be anything external to you.

Like the wind, it’s outside of your control and often has nothing to do with you personally. The key to restoring balance is to understand and remember these three things:

  • the surface is not the story
  • the wind is temporary
  • the calm beneath is the truth

If you can keep these simple ideas in mind, it will help you navigate any stressful (windy) situation with more grace and ease. There’s comfort in knowing that, at your core, everything is okay. In fact, I would argue it’s the best way to live. 🙂

Fear and Gratitude

A favorite quote/mantra of mine: “Fear cannot live in a grateful heart.” Not sure where I first heard it or who said it – but it has been a guiding light in many a situation over the years. More recently, however, it has been a great tool that I have shared with clients, friends and family. And now I’d like to share it with you during this week in which we focus on giving thanks. Here’s how it works:

1) Think of something that causes you fear, anxiety or worry. Think of it, see it, and then FEEL it. Recognize that feeling within your body, physically. Sit with it for as long as you need, in order to commit it to memory – but not more than a minute, if you can last that long!

2) Now think of something for which you are grateful. Anything. The day, the weather, family, friends, a child, even your car or a new pair of shoes. Sit with this and truly feel the gratitude you have for whatever this is as it fills your body with love and joy. Allow that feeling to permeate every corner and every cell. Enjoy it. (you can sit with this one for as long as you want.)

Ok – now you know the two feelings and you have committed them to memory. Here comes the life-altering part: Whenever you have even the tiniest twinge of fear, like in the first part of the exercise, whether it shows up and registers as fear or not you now know what it is. You have a memory of it and a barometer, of sorts. When these feelings show up in your body, take a breath and switch into gratitude. Again, it can be gratitude for anything. Gratitude for the train being on time, or your coffee being delicious – or even having the money to buy a coffee. By switching from one emotion to the other, and consciously putting your attention onto your feelings, you are creating new habits and behaviors that will ultimately become automatic, and you will find that life becomes a little easier, smoother and more joy-filled.

The most challenging part of this exercise is recognizing the fear emotion, and then taking the pause (or breath) to consciously switch it. That’s why the first part of the exercise, though not pleasant, is important. You need to have the conscious memory of the physical feelings associated with these emotions in order to recognize and change them. As with all things, it takes practice, but it gets much easier the more you do it.

So, now this begs the question in this week of Thanksgiving: What makes you feel gratitude? Make a list. Keep it with you so you can call on it whenever you want. Add to it, change it, and see how different your life can be. For truly, when your heart is full of gratitude there is no room for fear.

With deepest gratitude for allowing me into your life…
In love and light,
Martina