I had a really bad morning. In fact, it’s been a rough week all around since my minor surgery last week, for myriad reasons. But I went to art class anyway, even though I considered leaving 5 minutes after I set up. I wasn’t feeling it. But I stayed. I went back into the landscape painting I started two weeks ago and played with it a little. It’s ok. Again, I wasn’t feeling it, but for a while I put my headphones on and let myself get lost in the movement of the brush. That helped. After an hour or so, I stopped. I just couldn’t do any more. I felt bored and still out of sorts.
But my headphones were on, and I had 1 1/2 more hours to go, so I pulled out another canvas. Feeling somewhat disconnected from myself and any sense of joy (again, rough week and morning), I decided to go back into just doing what I love: moving paint on a canvas and playing with the energy of color.
As the brush made swirls of paint before my eyes, I started to feel better. Though, since acrylic is much harder than oils for this type of meditative play, it was a struggle at moments. Nonetheless, it was better. I was better. I was doing what makes me happy, calm, peaceful. My mood began to lift, and I was reminded of how important it is to be in alignment with oneself above ALL things. It’s that alignment that keeps us connected to God/Source/Universe, which in turn allows us to connect with others more openly and honestly.
As I pushed the red and blue paints around in repetitive spirals, I began to breathe more deeply and calmly. This inner space helped me realize that, instead of listening to the ‘should’ of art (I should be making something “worthwhile” or at least “recognizable”), I listened to myself – my own needs – and I simply felt better. I realigned with who I am.
As if to reinforce my decision to be myself, the Universe immediately gave me a validating experience. Yes, manifesting can happen that quickly when we are aligned. As I was packing up my things, a fellow student who was taking the class today to make up for a missed class asked me what I did. “I’m a writer and a life coach,” I said.
“Oh,” she paused. “I need a life coach.”
We talked for a few minutes as she shared her life challenges with me, and my reminder to be who I am (always!) was immediately reinforced as I was talking with someone who has forgotten who she is, and isn’t sure how to get back to that. I told her I could help. (I’ve certainly forged that path enough times now myself that I have some tools and insights that are helpful.) And just like that, I have a new client. Someone whom I get the privilege of shepherding home… back to their authentic self.
In the end, what matters is that when deciding how to live our lives, we all do what we love to do. It’s always been a fairly dismissive statement to me, though. “Do what you love” is too amorphous and theoretical most of the time. It can also feel dismissive, especially if you don’t know what you love. So, I have changed it to: “Do the things that bring you inner peace and pure joy.”
Painting color in movement brings me inner peace. Sometimes landscapes are a nice change, but for the most part, I’m an abstract artist. I am claiming that today. I need the surreality of it. When I try to do or be something that’s not 100% aligned with who I am at my core, I lose sight of myself. I lose my own inner connection, and that provides ample opportunities for me to experience reminders and lessons, especially in the realm of relationships with others. I’m grateful I lost touch with myself, because I had a wonderful experience of reconnecting, through art.
Does it mean that everything else that was problematic over the last week is miraculously fixed? Nope. That would be too easy. But it does mean that I can deal with everything else in a more balanced, peaceful, and loving manner. And that, my friends, is what makes ALL the difference.
Where I started – two weeks ago
After a little more work today.
When I couldn’t go any further today.
Returning to what I love: moving paint on canvas and playing with the energy of color